Frequently Asked Questions

Question: What is StopBeingADouche.com?

Answer: StopBeingADouche.com combines old school, face to face technology (like business cards) with the anonymity of the Internet. This gives regular people the chance to call out douches on their douchey behavior with a very low risk of bodily harm. In some cases, it may even provide an anti-douche voice in places where it was previously impractical or impossible. For example, you can now let the guy who parked 3 inches away from your door know he is a douche without doing anything illegal, like keying his car or dropping a steaming deuce on the hood of said car.

Question: How does StopBeingADouche.com work?

Answer: For no fee, we will provide you with Douche Call Out Cards and an account on our site. When somebody is being a douche, find a way to give them one of the individually numbered cards. Next, log into your StopBeingADouche.com account and give an explanation of the douchebaggery (douche-planation). The douchey recipient can then go to StopBeingADouche.com and enter in their Douche Number. This will bring them to the Douche-planation where they can rebut your claims.

Here are the five easy steps:

  • Step 1: Locate a douche;
  • Step 2: Take out Douche Card and make note of card number;
  • Step 3: Present douchebag with card;
  • Step 4: Update your StopBeingaDouche.com account with your explanation;
  • Step 5: Be satisfied that you called a douche out.

Question: What do these "Douchecards" look like?

Answer:

Here is the front:

And here is the back (only the number is missing from the top right & each card is individually numbered):

Question: Isn't it Douchey to anonymously call people out on their douchebaggery?

Answer: Some people might consider it douchey, some might not. If you feel you have been wrongly douchetagged, use our handy rebuttal tool. This will give both sides an opportunity to air grievances.

Question: How do I know somebody is douchey enough to be worthy of a Douchecard?

Answer: Confucius say: "The essence of doucheyness is such that you just know when it happens."

Question: What are the best methods for delivery of the Douchecards?

Answer: Here are just a few preferred methods of delivery:

  1. Under the wiper of the douche's car;
  2. Have a waiter/waitress deliver the douchecard with the check;
  3. Ask a bartender to deliver the douchecard with a drink;
  4. US Postal Service;
  5. UPS;
  6. Federal Express;
  7. Pony Express;
  8. Courier Service;
  9. Singing Douche-o-Gram;
  10. Carrier Pigeon;
  11. Ask a random stranger to deliver the card;
  12. Slide it under their office door;
  13. Leave it on their keyboard when they go to lunch;
  14. Tape to Radio Control Car, navigate car to douche, abandon car;
  15. Create a diversion (fake a seizure, small woodland creatures, claim you saw a UFO), then have somebody place card on their chair.

Question: Do you think StopBeingADouche.com will change the world?

Answer: If we can convert just one douche to a functioning member of acceptable society, we feel that we have accomplished something.

Question: I have trouble recognizing douches in the real world. Will you provide some examples of famous or real life douches whose activities and lifestyles could help enhance my douche-radar?

Answer: Sure, here are a few:

  1. Osama Bin Laden;
  2. Paris Hilton;
  3. Manny Ramirez;
  4. Napoleon;
  5. Hitler;
  6. Your boss;
  7. Your "Baby Mama;"
  8. Your "Baby Daddy;"
  9. That guy on the bus who touches himself when he looks at you;
  10. The guy in front of you on line who farted;
  11. People who must pay at Wal Mart with 3 different credit cards;
  12. Anybody on VH1's "Rock of Love;"
  13. Anybody on Bravo's "Real Housewives" series;
  14. Bill O'Reilly;
  15. Michael Vick;
  16. Nick Hogan;
  17. Internet Tough Guys;
  18. Guidos;
  19. The guys from the FreeCreditReport.com commercials.

Question: I was given a douchecard and would like to change. What can I do to reduce my doucheyness?

Answer: Here at StopBeingADouche.com, we advocate both small and large lifestyle adjustments to reduce everyday doucheyness. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Put down the cell phone;
  2. Get rid of the (insert trendy music here) ringtones;
  3. At some point, take your bluetooth headset off of your ear;
  4. Use your directionals when driving;
  5. Realize that you are truly not that funny;
  6. Know that a mirror is not an invitation to flex;
  7. Realize that owning a nice car while living with your parents is really not an accomplishment;
  8. Know that being a high school football star means nothing in your 30's;
  9. Put down the Red Bull, it only makes things worse;
  10. Lose the giant wing on your car;
  11. Put the driver's seat in a somewhat upright position;
  12. Stop updating Facebook every 12 minutes, nobody needs to know you just took a slightly runny dump and now are out to lunch;
  13. Just because you know the words to a song does not mean you need to sing when that song is on;
  14. If you have ever met a celebrity, telling the story one time is enough;
  15. Realize your band is not that good;
  16. You probably don't know all of that stuff that you think you know;
  17. Stop making kissy lips in every picture you take, it's not cool and it makes you look even douchier;
  18. There is no need to be that loud;
  19. Everybody does not want to fight you, nor were they "looking at you funny;"
  20. A weekend can be fulfilling without getting completely plastered twice;
  21. Just because a bar has two-fers does not mean you need to drink both beverages at once;
  22. While drunk, do not "Whooooooo" incessantly;
  23. Nobody can be that tan in the winter and most people don't tan orange;
  24. That college you went to is not that impressive;
  25. Not everyone at the concert wants to hear "Freebird;"
  26. Put that/those collar(s) down;
  27. Realize that whatever minor success you have in life does not happen because of your doucheyness, it happens in spite of it;
  28. Adding the number 69 or 420 to your screen names does not make you witty nor does it make you cool.

Question: I think my (insert family member here) is a douche. Is that possible?

Answer: Yes. Everybody has a little douche in them, the difference is how often they show that doucheyness. Your Mom, Dad, Sister, or Brother could be a douche. Even your Grandmother could be a douche. Nobody is exempt from doucheyness. Your little baby stomp you in the nuts with his little baby shoes? He's a douche. Give the little turd a card. When he's old enough to read, show him the site.

Then stomp him in his little toddler nuts.